


if you want to come to me

by jjokkiri



Category: UP10TION
Genre: ???? - Freeform, All The UP10s Are Mentioned At Least Once, And There's Pining And Soft Talking, Essentially This Is A University Reunion, Exes, Hwanxiao Are Mentioned Several Times, I don't know how to tag this, M/M, Oh And Sooil Is Engaged, Past Relationship(s), Pining, This isn't angst I swear, Wooseok Ghosted His Friends For Four Years, or something like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24374617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: It takes four years after they mutually decide to break up and an entire lifetime of avoiding one another for Wooseok and Jinhyuk to finally meet again.It takes just a few words to tug at their heartstrings and reignite feelings.
Relationships: Kim Jinwook | Jinhoo/No Sooil | Kuhn, Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Lee Jinhyuk
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	if you want to come to me

**Author's Note:**

> title from Jinhyuk’s _Follow Me & You_.

“Noh Sooil, I cannot fucking _believe_ you had the _nerve_ to lie to me,” Wooseok hissed in Sooil’s ear from behind him. His hands gripped Sooil’s shoulders tightly as he spoke, fingernails practically digging into his shoulders through the fabric of his jacket. Realizing that he interrupted a conversation, Wooseok faked a smile at the startled man sitting across the table from Sooil—who had been introduced to him earlier in the night as Jinwook, Sooil’s fiancé—in place of a proper greeting.

Sooil offered an apologetic smile to his fiancé before he turned to look at Wooseok, as best as he could with the younger man’s tight hold on his shoulders.

“I didn’t lie to you,” Sooil replied, his fingers awkwardly trying to pry Wooseok’s hands off his shoulders. He winced when Wooseok tightened his grip. _Ouch._

“You didn’t?” It almost sounded threatening.

“No, I didn’t lie to you,” Sooil replied. He swallowed, “All I told you was that Changhyun missed you and he wanted to see you again. He practically tackled you when you came into the hall with me, Wooseok. So, I didn’t lie to you.”

Wooseok’s lips curved into a thin, impatient smile.

“That’s _not_ what I’m talking about and you know it,” he replied. Sooil laughed, nervously.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said. Wooseok grit his teeth.

“Bloody liar,” he hissed. 

“Can you please let me go, Wooseok?” Sooil asked. “It’s starting to hurt and I don’t think Jinwook is going to be on board with letting you be my best man at the wedding if you try to kill me, tonight.”

Wooseok furrowed his eyebrows but reluctantly let go of the older man’s shoulders. 

“You’re not going to be alive for the wedding if you don’t explain why you lied to me,” Wooseok said.

“I didn’t wait a year and a half to get married to the love of my life for you to threaten me like this.” Sooil sighed. He turned around in his seat, adding, “You can’t avoid him for the rest of your life, Wooseok.”

Wooseok scrunched up his nose.

“I don’t know, I think I’ve been doing a damn good job of it,” he replied.

Sooil frowned. _“Wooseok.”_

_“Sooil hyung.”_

There was a beat of silence as they just stared at one another. Sooil rested one of his arms over the back of the chair. He studied Wooseok’s expression, not saying a word for a moment. He pursed his lips.

“You know it’s more than just about me lying to you, don’t you?” he said. He placed a careful hand on Wooseok’s arm. Sooil’s eyes softened when he looked up at Wooseok, carefully gauging his reaction. “Wooseok, I really am sorry that I intentionally _misrepresented_ material information about the guest list but, it’s just one person that you don’t want to see. The rest of us here really wanted to see you and it’s been forever since we’ve had the chance to hang out because you’re always so busy. We’re all so busy and there’s never a chance for all of us to gather. Didn’t you see how excited the kids were to see you?”

Wooseok frowned. 

“I know they wanted to see me,” he said. “But I didn’t want to see him. We could have had a hangout at a different time, hyung. We could have worked something else. Something where he _wouldn’t_ be here.”

“Wooseok,” Sooil sighed, “you always say that. But, Jinwook and Jinhyuk aside, how many times have we successfully managed to gather all eight of us since we graduated university?”

Wooseok made a face. 

“Don’t say his name.”

From across the table, Jinwook frowned. “Me?”

Sooil looked up, “No, not you, baby. _Jinhyuk_. Wooseok doesn’t want me to say _‘Jinhyuk’_.”

Wooseok smacked Sooil’s arm. He shot him a deadly glare.

To distract Wooseok from wanting to kill his fiancé, as his expression almost seemed to suggest, Jinwook tilted his head, curiously. “You don’t want to see Jinhyuk, Wooseok? He seems like such a sweet boy.”

Wooseok looked away from Sooil to make a face. Jinwook blinked at him.

There was a beat of silence.

“Sorry, am I poking at something that I shouldn’t be?” he asked.

He looked guilty and it almost made Wooseok feel bad for being so hostile when Jinwook didn’t know any better. He was the latest addition to their group of friends and it was their first meeting. Wooseok knew that he should be nicer.

Jinwook looked down at the table. He said, “I mean, he was very nice when Sooil introduced me to him at the previous alumni reunion. I was just curious because it didn’t seem like anyone could hate someone like him.”

“I don’t _hate_ him. I just don’t want to see him.” Wooseok huffed. He added, quietly under his breath, “No one can hate that dumbass. Not even if they tried.”

Sooil laughed, wrapping an arm around Wooseok, comfortably. He smiled at his fiancé.

“Wooseok doesn’t hate Jinhyuk, baby,” he explained. “It’s not like it’s some kind of deep-rooted rivalry or anything. They’re just exes and Wooseok is still extremely bitter about their breakup.”

“I’ll kill you, Sooil,” Wooseok muttered. Jinwook gasped softly.

“Oh,” he covered his mouth with his hands, delicately. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know.”

Wooseok sighed. 

He couldn’t hold anything against someone who didn’t know about their relationship. It was all in the past and Jinwook couldn’t possibly have already known about them. The older man deserved to hear kinder words from someone he just met. Jinwook seemed like a sweet man—and he _had_ to be if he was getting married to Sooil.

Wooseok relented. _His bitterness could wait._

“It’s okay. I don’t really talk about it, anyway. Plus, it’s your first time meeting me. I shouldn’t expect you to know,” Wooseok rested his hand against the back of Sooil’s chair. He shot an apologetic look at Jinwook. “I’m just a little surprised Sooil hyung didn’t already tell you about my romantic misfortunes.”

“Why would I expose you like that?” Sooil asked. Wooseok glared at him.

“Because you’re _in love_ with him and you tell him everything,” he said. “That’s what you told Changhyun. Changhyun literally just told me that you couldn’t resist spilling details about our group’s history and you told Jinwook hyung all about Hwanhee and Dongyeol crushing on each other since high school.”

Sooil gasped, scandalized. “What’s wrong with talking about Hwanhee and Dongyeol? It’s a cute story!”

“It _is_ ,” Wooseok answered. “It’s _definitely_ cute. But it also gives me very little hope in trusting that you wouldn’t tell him about my history with _Jinhyuk_ because you think it’s cute.”

Sooil sniffed. “Have a little more faith in your hyung. I only told Jinwook about their love story after he met them for the first time and they were clinging onto each other! This is Jinwook’s first time meeting _you_. I couldn’t possibly have already told him everything about you.”

“You’re telling me you _wouldn’t_ tell your fiancé everything about me to prepare for meeting me?”

At the mention, Jinwook smiled from the other side of the table. He folded his hands together and rested them under his chin, thoughtfully. “Actually, he told me a lot about you. He said you were very pleasant as a person, but you tend to threaten him, but you don’t act on it.” Jinwook paused, his voice trailing off, “except for the one time in university when he borrowed your homework and forgot to return it, so you could submit it on time…”

Wooseok turned to look back at Sooil, pointedly. Sooil sighed.

“You’re supposed to be on _my_ side, babe.”

Jinwook shrugged his shoulders, “No, I’m not. I’m on whatever side makes the most sense.”

Sooil clapped his hands together, suddenly, as if a brilliant idea struck him. “Great!”

Both Wooseok and Jinwook made eye contact upon Sooil’s sudden exclamation, startled and confused. Wooseok turned to look at him with a weird look and a slight, questioning frown on his lips. Jinwook mirrored his expression from the other side of the table. 

“I’m sorry?”

“I said _‘great!’_ ,” Sooil told him. Wooseok immediately rolled his eyes. He vaguely gestured his hands, urging the older man to expand on his thoughts beyond what was blatantly obvious. Sooil continued, “It’s great because that means Jinwook will be completely unbiased when he decides whether or not you’re being completely unreasonable by avoiding Jinhyuk for the past four years!”

Wooseok’s expression dropped.

Jinwook frowned at Sooil. He crossed his arms over his chest, “Babe, if Wooseok doesn’t want to talk about it, I don’t think you should be making him tell me about his misfortunes just for me to decide if he’s being reasonable. He’s entitled to have feelings of his own and I’m sure they’re valid.”

Wooseok’s expression brightened. He grinned, “I love you.” 

Jinwook laughed, amused. Sooil smacked Wooseok’s arm.

“Hey, that’s my fiancé, you brat,” Sooil frowned.

Wooseok shrugged with a laugh.

“It’s not that deep, hyung. It’s not like I’m saying I love him like…” His voice trailed off suddenly.

His sudden silence grabbed their attention. Sooil and Jinwook both stared at him, curiously.

Feeling a little awkward, Wooseok cleared his throat and looked at the floor.

He muttered, quietly, “Never mind. Forget it. I didn’t say anything.”

Jinwook quickly picked up on the change in the atmosphere from playful to subtle tension in the air.

Jinwook furrowed his eyebrows in concern, “Wooseok? Are you okay?”

Wooseok pushed himself off Sooil’s chair. Suddenly, he didn’t know what to do with his hands. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and shifted his stance before finally deciding to shove his hands into the pockets of his slacks.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Sooil’s hand came to rest against Wooseok’s arm again. He frowned.

“Hey,” he called. Sooil’s tone was low and concerned. Wooseok hated worrying him but he didn’t expect to lose himself in his thoughts so suddenly. He continued, “You know you can’t lie to me, right? Are you okay? Do you want to talk somewhere private? Do you want Jinwook and me to take you home?”

Wooseok laughed, nervously.

“You spent nearly a week of texting and calling me, trying to get me to come here and now you’re kicking me out?” he asked. The attempt at a playful note in his voice was strained, almost awkward.

Sooil continued to stare at him, quietly. He looked too serious.

 _He wasn’t going to get away with lying._ He knew that look in Sooil’s eyes a little too well. It was the same look that he gave Wooseok in their final year of university when he knocked on his door at an unreasonable hour in the middle of the night, his eyes swollen and ringed red. It was the way he looked at him when Wooseok denied that he had been crying his eyes out all night. It was the same look that Sooil gave him on the night that he and Jinhyuk decided that breaking up was the best decision for them.

Wooseok relented. He sighed, “It’s stupid. It’s just something I suddenly thought of.”

“Whatever it is, it’s not stupid,” Jinwook told him. Reading the air in the room, the older man quickly moved his chair closer to Wooseok, closer to his fiancé. “Do you want to talk to us about it? I promise Sooil will behave.”

Sooil shot his fiancé a dirty look. Jinwook didn’t meet his eyes, still focused on Wooseok.

Wooseok pressed his lips together in a thin line. Jinwook patted the chair next to him.

“Have a seat, Wooseok,” he said. His voice was soft and kind, “You can talk to us if you feel like it, or I can get you a drink and we can pretend that nothing happened at all. It’ll be whatever you want.”

Unable to argue, Wooseok slumped down on the chair next to Jinwook. 

“This is so stupid,” he groaned. Sooil gently pushed his flute of champagne to Wooseok.

“Take your time.”

Wooseok took the glass Sooil offered him into his hands and downed the contents in one shot. He slammed it back onto the table, his fingers still gripped onto it. Sooil blinked at him. Then, he slowly pried the glass away from Wooseok’s hands and gently placed it down onto the table, sliding it away.

“I’m just stupid,” Wooseok hissed at himself. Jinwook rubbed his back gently.

“You’re not stupid,” he assured. Sooil nodded his head, echoing him.

“I _am_ ,” Wooseok emphasized. He huffed, “I told Jinwook I loved him and then I just—!” He cut himself off and gestured his hands wildly in the air as if they could somehow fill in the space of unspoken words. Sooil blinked at him in confusion. Jinwook mirrored Sooil’s expression. Wooseok groaned, as if unwilling to expand on his thoughts. He gritted his teeth, “I thought about how the _last_ person I fucking said that to was Jinhyuk and something in my chest suddenly felt really weird. It’s so stupid.”

Sooil’s mouth opened slightly in a small ‘o’-shape.

He nodded his head thoughtfully, “Ah… maybe you _are_ a little bit stupid, then.”

Jinwook elbowed him violently. Sooil clutched his injury.

“Wooseok,” Jinwook said. His voice was soft, “I know I said I wouldn’t make you talk about it if you didn’t want to talk about it… but do you mind telling me why you don’t want to talk to him?”

Wooseok stared down at the table. He sighed.

“I just can’t risk it,” he said, softly. 

“Risk what?” Sooil asked, confused. He looked at Wooseok in confusion. _“Oh.”_

Wooseok bit down on his lower lip and looked away. Wooseok folded his hands into his lap, trying to somehow make himself smaller, trying to make himself invisible. His eyes moved rapidly, searching for somewhere to fix his gaze on—something distracting enough for him to ignore the uncomfortable fluttering in his gut. The sudden surge of feelings in his gut made him uncomfortable. Suddenly, he felt faint.

Sooil whispered his realization softly, “You’re still in love with him.”

Wooseok panicked.

He shook his head rapidly, _“No!”_

Sooil startled at the sudden shout. Wooseok clenched his fist, his hands held close to his chest. 

Softer, he repeated himself, “No, I’m not. I’m not.” 

He shook his head again, this time a lot more uncertain of himself. This time, it felt more like he was trying to delude himself into believing something that wasn’t true.

 _Four years._ Four years that seemed to pass so easily, like a quiet breeze brushing past him, couldn’t possibly hold so tightly onto feelings.

Then, even quieter, Wooseok whispered, _“I’m just afraid I might still be.”_

The hand that Jinwook had rested on Wooseok’s back to comfort him moved to rub the younger man’s back to comfort him. Jinwook’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern.

“And…” Jinwook’s voice drifted off, his hand stroked Wooseok’s back to calm him; comfort him. The older man connected the dots quickly. “You don’t want to talk to him tonight because you’re afraid that you might realize that you might still be in love with him. And that scares you.”

Timidly, Wooseok nodded his head. He exhaled in frustration.

He gritted his teeth.

“This is so stupid,” he grumbled.

Jinwook took Wooseok’s hand in his own. He offered him a small smile.

“It’s not stupid,” he assured him. Something about the tone of his voice had Wooseok believing him easily. “We’ll hang out with you, tonight. So, you don’t have to talk to anyone else. Is that okay?”

* * *

True to Jinwook’s promise, both he and Sooil kept Wooseok company until much later in the night when they had to leave the venue to catch a flight. Changhyun left with the couple, having promised to drive them to the airport. Changhyun bid Wooseok goodbye with a bone-crushing hug and a wide-eyed pleading face that demanded they hang out again to catch up, sometime soon. 

Wooseok honestly would have left with them if it were entirely up to him. 

It _wasn’t_ entirely up to him, though.

He had arrived at the venue late and it wouldn’t feel right if he were one of the first people to leave. He couldn’t simply avoid alumni reunions for four years in a row and then show up late to _one_ only to leave early. It felt wrong, as much as he wanted to do it. But the realization that he was afraid made everything feel too real. All he wanted to _do_ was leave, but Wooseok couldn’t stay alone with his thoughts.

Almost immediately after he walked his friends to the coat check and bid his farewells, Wooseok latched onto Minsoo, taking his chance to occupy himself with someone else’s attention. 

Unfortunately for Wooseok, although he was a decent temporary company, Minsoo quickly abandoned him for Yein and Gyujin, who were gathered around a game that Wooseok didn’t know how to play.

He should have known that his friends could only keep him away from Jinhyuk for so long. After all, they were in the same room and he couldn’t keep running forever. It only felt like running in circles.

For a split second, as he turned away from the group huddled over Yein’s phone, Wooseok considered searching for Hwanhee and Dongyeol to occupy his time. 

In any other situation, Wooseok really wouldn’t even consider hanging out with the couple alone because they had an impressive talent of reminding people that they were third-wheels—and maybe it also had something to do with the fact that they reminded Wooseok a too much of how he used to be with Jinhyuk.

_It sucked._

Four years couldn’t erase all the memories he shared with Jinhyuk, apparently.

Wooseok considered heading back to the coat check to grab his things and leave. Surely, he could call a cab back home and he would be able to run away before he risked facing Jinhyuk.

His friends weren’t talking to him, too busy with one another. Surely, it was fine if he left early.

He caught up with Changhyun when he first came to the venue. Hwanhee and Dongyeol had both been excited to talk to him when they flopped down in the chairs across from Changhyun. He spent the rest of the night with Sooil and Jinwook. Minsoo, Yein and Gyujin also got a fair share of his time. 

It was just Jinhyuk left. He was the only one that Wooseok didn’t spare any of his time for. And he didn’t want to bother with talking to Jinhyuk, anyway. He spent the entire night avoiding him.

He could leave. It was _fine_ to leave.

With his mind already set on leaving so that he wouldn’t have to speak to Jinhyuk, Wooseok made a beeline for where he left his belongings at the table he sat at. He hadn’t seen the other man around since Minsoo abandoned him for Gyujin and Yein.

Surely, if he was quick enough, he would be able to leave the venue without being spotted. He would text his friends later with an apology and a weak excuse about how something came up with work and he needed to head home immediately.

They couldn’t hate him for it if he was already gone by the time that they realized it.

But it seemed that the entire world was against Wooseok’s plans.

When he reached the counter in hopes of collecting his belongings and leaving, the little sign on the coat check counter read: _back in fifteen minutes!_

Wooseok immediately deflated. 

_Well, fuck._

* * *

Fifteen minutes passed too slowly when he was sitting at his table all alone. He did his best to look occupied and busy; engrossed in his phone, Wooseok hoped that no one would interrupt him. _Especially not Jinhyuk._

Unfortunately for Wooseok, luck wasn’t on his side for the night. 

He felt someone’s presence approaching him before he could look up to see who it was.

When he finally raised his eyes, dread filled Wooseok’s gut.

He should have expected it.

It shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was.

 _Jinhyuk._ Tall, handsome and smiley Jinhyuk. _Looking as good as ever._

“Were you planning on avoiding me for the entire night?” Jinhyuk approached him with his hands shoved into his pockets. His eyes seemed to glimmer knowingly as if he knew what was on Wooseok’s mind.

Wooseok gritted his teeth. He didn’t like the way Jinhyuk still seemed to know him so well.

Four years apart and he still looked at him as if he could read him like a book.

Wooseok dropped his phone against the table with a sound _smack!_ and reached for the cup of water sitting on the table, taking a sip. He scrunched up his nose and glowered at the taller man from behind the glass. 

He tore his eyes away from him before he spoke, “Quite frankly, yes.”

Jinhyuk chuckled at Wooseok’s flat response. He shook his head in amusement, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his small smile. Wooseok’s heart flipped in his chest and he immediately looked away.

Jinhyuk reached out his hand and pulled out the chair across from Wooseok, “May I have a seat?”

“No,” Wooseok replied. His response was met with silence; mere seconds but just enough to feel a little bit awkward. The tension hung between them, feeling almost constricting. He spared a glance up at Jinhyuk, only to meet with the taller man’s arched eyebrow. Wooseok huffed and looked away, “Do whatever you want. You always have.”

Jinhyuk frowned at his words. He took a seat across from Wooseok anyway. 

“You sound upset.”

“I’m not,” Wooseok answered, quickly. Refusing to look at Jinhyuk, he studied his nails, intent on focusing on anything that would ensure he didn’t need to look directly at Jinhyuk. 

“Okay,” Jinhyuk said. “Then, why aren’t you looking at me?”

Wooseok paused, long enough for his eyes to flicker towards Jinhyuk and back to his hands.

“I don’t have to look at you.”

“What happened to _‘it’s polite to look at people when you’re talking to them’_ , hm?” Jinhyuk asked.

Wooseok hesitated.

 _That was familiar._ Familiarity felt odd when it came from Jinhyuk’s lips.

When they were still together, that had always been something he defaulted to saying when he was upset with Jinhyuk. Whenever they got into an argument and Wooseok was the first to apologize, he would always clamber into Jinhyuk’s lap and force him to look at him. The familiar words tugged at something in Wooseok’s chest. He swallowed.

 _Jinhyuk probably wasn’t referencing something so specific._ It was ridiculous of him to keep hanging so tightly onto the past when they were meeting again at a time when their memories shouldn’t still be an underlying note in every single word. Wooseok shook it off.

“I’m not talking to you. You’re talking to me,” Wooseok muttered.

Jinhyuk exhaled a soft laugh. Wooseok could see the way that he shook his head from the corner of his eye.

“Yes,” he said, “and I’m looking right at you.”

Wooseok huffed. He turned his head slightly, sparing Jinhyuk a glance. The taller man immediately smiled when their eyes met. Wooseok ignored the way his heart seemed to clench in his chest.

“You’re so irritating,” he muttered. Jinhyuk shrugged his shoulders.

“You always think I’m trying to get on your nerves,” he replied. Wooseok snorted.

“Because you _are_ ,” he replied. “You’re always trying to get a reaction out of me.”

Jinhyuk shrugged his shoulders, “Is that what you think it is? Just that?”

Wooseok scrunched up his nose, “What else could it be? You just want my attention.”

Jinhyuk rested his chin in his palm. He tilted his head with a charming smile.

“Yeah,” he replied. “That’s what it is, then.”

Wooseok furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He frowned.

“What?”

Jinhyuk blinked. 

“I want your attention,” he said. “That’s what you just said. I’m just agreeing with you.”

Wooseok made a face. 

“What are you trying to do, Jinhyuk?”

Jinhyuk hesitated. 

For a moment, Jinhyuk looked like he was contemplating whether he was doing something that he _should_ be doing. He tapped his fingertips against his cheek. Then, as soon as he made a mental decision, his eyes changed.

He took a breath. “Can we talk, Wooseok?”

“We’re talking,” he replied. Jinhyuk frowned.

“Really, Wooseok,” he said. “I mean it. Can we talk?”

Wooseok stared down at the table. He fiddled with his fingers. He sighed.

“Talk about what?” he asked, “What is there for you and me to talk about?”

Jinhyuk frowned. “Are you saying that there’s nothing for us to talk about? At all?”

Wooseok hesitated. He swallowed, “What do you mean?”

Jinhyuk studied him carefully, quiet.

“We could catch up,” he said, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table. His eyes flickered somewhere behind Wooseok’s head before he shifted his eyes to meet with Wooseok’s. In the split second that their eyes met, there was something too familiar in his eyes. Wooseok tore his eyes away. “We could talk about everything you’ve been doing for the past four years. That’s a topic of conversation.”

Wooseok furrowed his eyebrows. 

He dropped his hands into his lap and sighed, “You and I both know that’s not what you’re trying to talk about. You asked me if we can talk with different intentions, didn’t you?”

Jinhyuk chuckled. It was quiet. He shrugged his shoulders and he looked down at the table.

“Yeah,” he answered. He toyed with the edge of the tablecloth and bit down on his lower lip. “Looks like you still know what I mean even if I try to hide it, huh?”

Wooseok glanced away, feeling almost embarrassed to admit that he could still read Jinhyuk so easily. He supposed that being away from one another for as long as their relationship lasted couldn’t make him forget everything. “I don’t forget things that easily, dumbass.”

“I know,” Jinhyuk said. “I remember.”

Wooseok swallowed.

Quietly, Wooseok repeated himself, “What do you want, Jinhyuk?”

Jinhyuk studied him quietly for a moment. 

When Wooseok looked up and their eyes met, Jinhyuk pressed his lips into a thin line. 

_“I…”_ he faltered, “I know it’s been four years, but I wanted to apologize.”

Wooseok blinked, surprised. “For?”

Jinhyuk looked away. He looked guilty.

“For how we ended things.”

_Oh._

Something lurched in Wooseok’s gut—strange, warm and oddly uncomfortable. Wooseok shook his head. 

“Isn’t it too late for apologies? It’s been four years, Jinhyuk,” he said. His voice was quiet. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear Jinhyuk apologizing to him. _Not for something like this._ Wooseok shook off the feeling. “Forget it. You don’t have to apologize to me for that.”

Jinhyuk shook his head. 

“I never got to tell you,” he murmured. “It’s been on my mind for a long time, now. I never got to say that I’m sorry for it. I know it’s late but…” He sighed. “I just didn’t know how to just text you and tell you that I was. And you wouldn’t pick up if I called you.”

Wooseok frowned. 

“Wooseok-ah,” Jinhyuk clasped his hands together on the table. He pressed his lips together in a thin line. He hesitated for a second before he continued, “It’s been four years since it happened but… it’s also been four years of living without you. And it’s been _really_ hard. I wasn’t really counting on losing a friend.”

“Don’t blame me.”

“I’m _not_ ,” Jinhyuk interjected. “I’d never.”

“Then?”

“I’m just saying I’m sorry that we ended the way that we did.”

Wooseok looked at him, silently.

Jinhyuk took a breath before he continued speaking, “I don’t think that moving to Japan was a bad move on my part at all,” Jinhyuk shifted in his seat, uncomfortably under Wooseok’s gaze. With furrowed eyebrows, Wooseok frowned. “I don’t regret it. I just wish it didn’t feel like choosing you or my career.”

Wooseok looked back down at the table. “You’re not making yourself sound any better.”

Jinhyuk sighed. “I’m sorry. I wish I knew how to say it better.” He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated with himself. Jinhyuk bit down on his lower lip, “I had all of this planned out when Changhyun told me that you were coming to the reunion but, now that I’m sitting in front of you, I don’t know how to say it.”

“He told you?” Wooseok furrowed his brows. _No wonder Changhyun had been so unreasonably thrilled to see him again._ Wooseok shook his head, “Never mind that, of course he did. What does me sitting in front of you have to do with speaking?”

Jinhyuk flashed him a timid smile, sheepish and awkward.

In a quiet voice, he murmured, “You look good. I just want to keep looking at you.”

Wooseok’s heart lurched in his chest; a foolishly skipped beat.

He immediately looked away.

He could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks.

“What are you trying to do?” he muttered, “Stop saying random things. Just say what you mean.”

Jinhyuk laughed quietly, barely audible and flustered.

He shook his head, “I’m just saying… seeing you now makes me really miss how we were. I almost wanted to hug you when I saw you walk in, earlier. And then I remembered that I’m not allowed to do that anymore.”

“Does that have anything to do with what you were saying before?”

Jinhyuk shrugged his shoulders. He scratched the back of his neck, shyly. He offered a sheepish smile, “Maybe it has something to do with the part where I said you looked good and that I keep wanting to look at you.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Are you apologizing to me or are you flirting with me?” Wooseok furrowed his eyebrows.

Jinhyuk moved his hand upwards and scratched the back of his head with an awkward laugh.

“It sounds really bad if you say it like that,” he said. Wooseok crossed his arms over his chest.

“Which is it?”

With a deep sigh, Jinhyuk moved. He folded his hands together and leaned forward to rest his arms on his legs. He planted both of his feet flat against the floor and his eyes fixed on Wooseok’s face, suddenly looking serious. 

“Right now, I’m flirting with you,” he replied. Wooseok frowned.

“You’re _kidding_.”

“I’m not.”

Wooseok exhaled a laugh of disbelief.

“Why would you be flirting with me?”

Jinhyuk paused. He kept his eyes level, focused on Wooseok.

He answered softly, “Because I like you.”

Wooseok scoffed. He ignored the way his heart skipped a beat. He looked away from Jinhyuk’s gaze.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he muttered. 

Jinhyuk shook his head.

“I’m serious, Wooseok,” he said. 

Jinhyuk’s fingers absently toyed with one of the napkins on the table, unable to sit still.

He stumbled over his words several times before he managed a coherent sentence.

He said, “I… this is so bad. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? Just the fact that I never got over you and I can’t even get a proper apology out before I’m trying to flirt with you?” 

He laughed at himself, shaking his head as if finally realizing how ridiculous the entire situation was. “I haven’t seen you in four years and the first thing I do is flirt with you. I’m so sorry.”

Wooseok furrowed his eyebrows. He shifted in his seat.

“You’re stupid,” he said. He made a face, scrunching his nose up in disdain, and looked down at the table. Wooseok shifted in his seat and leaned back comfortably. He drummed his fingers against the surface with his eyes focused on his hands, unable to look at Jinhyuk directly in the eyes. “You don’t need to apologize for flirting with me, dumbass. You just have some shitty timing because you asked to talk to me all seriously, and you can’t even manage to keep up with the serious vibe. Shouldn’t you wait until we’ve caught up with each other or something? At _least_ let me ask you how Japan was or something?”

Jinhyuk paused.

He raised his gaze, hesitantly glancing at Wooseok.

“… You’re not mad at me?”

Wooseok pursed his lips. “For?”

A beat of silence.

“I feel like if I say the wrong thing, you _will_ be mad at me,” he said. Wooseok rolled his eyes. 

“I won’t get mad at you unless you say something _really_ stupid.”

“I thought you would be mad at me for flirting with you or something.”

Wooseok blinked. Then, he laughed—a breathless huff of air.

“How should normal people react to their ex-boyfriend flirting with them after four years?”

Jinhyuk winced. He paused. “Um, I think they wouldn’t like it very much.”

Wooseok tilted his head.

“So, do you want me to hate it?”

“Well, do you _like_ it?”

The corner of Wooseok’s lips tugged upwards into a small smile. He looked away.

“If I do?” he challenged. Jinhyuk glanced at him, suddenly looking hopeful.

“Then, you would be getting my hopes up.”

Wooseok hesitated, “Your hopes?”

Jinhyuk nodded, cautious. He looked down at his feet.

“My hopes that _maybe_ by some stroke of luck, you’d be willing to try again.” His voice was quiet as if admitting that he was being too hopeful was something shameful. He ducked his head and cleared his throat. “But… it’s okay if you crush my hopes, too. I mean, it’s better to have better closure, right?”

Wooseok blinked, slowly.

“You… want to try again?” he asked. He shifted in his seat, suddenly sitting up properly. His breathing stuttered for a moment—he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He didn’t want to get his hopes up if Jinhyuk’s hopes didn’t mean what he thought they meant. He scolded himself for looking too eager. He whispered, “What do you mean?”

Jinhyuk studied his expression quietly. 

He swallowed.

“Us,” he murmured. “I mean us. I want to try _‘us’_ again.” 

He looked down at his hands, timid and unwilling to look Wooseok in the eyes when he was being so sincere. His tone was quiet and shy. It felt strange to bare your heart to someone you hadn’t spoken to in four years, someone you hadn’t _seen_ in four years. Wooseok could understand. 

But with Jinhyuk, Wooseok wasn’t sure that it felt anything like meeting a stranger for the first time, all over again. Sitting across from one another, the reunion didn’t feel like it had been four years since the last time he saw Jinhyuk. 

Jinhyuk took a sharp breath. He looked up with his eyes glimmering with newfound courage.

“I’m just saying that if you still feel anything for me, I want to try again with you, Wooseok,” he said. His confidence suddenly faltered and Jinhyuk laughed at himself, quietly. He shook his head, “It’s dumb to be hopeful because I know it’s been so long but… I don’t know if it’s just my hopefulness but, right now, you’re looking at me like I have a chance if I just say what’s on my mind. So… I’m not asking for you to just run to me and love me again, I’m just hoping that we can start with something small like coffee tomorrow morning or something…”

Wooseok watched Jinhyuk carefully, his eyes focused on the other man’s expression. His heart hammered in his chest and he could hear all his thoughts swirling in his head, _praying_ that Jinhyuk was being serious, that he wasn’t joking.

“I miss being in your life,” Jinhyuk admitted, feeling awkward with letting the silence settle between them for too long. “And I’m okay with just being your friend, too. If you just want to be friends, then I’m okay with that. I promise.” 

He paused, taking a breath. Jinhyuk bit down onto his lower lip. He raised his eyes again, searching for Wooseok’s gaze. He looked fragile and Wooseok felt something shift inside of him. His heart clenched, and he could feel the sliver of hope spark in his gut, prying at the cracks in his defence.

“I’m okay with it if you just want to be friends,” Jinhyuk continued, “but, Wooseok, if I’m being completely honest with you, I thought that being away from you taught me that I was fine without you. It was _hard,_ but I thought I finally could move on. Yet, I’m seeing you in front of me now and I think I’m finally realizing that all it taught me was that I don’t know how to _not_ love you. And honestly, that feels like it might be too much of a burden: being friends with someone you _know_ is still in love with you. I don’t think I could do it, if you were to ask it of me.”

Jinhyuk laughed quietly, shaking his head at himself as if he thought of himself as ridiculous for saying so much.

He stared down at his hands, suddenly looking so small. His voice softened, and he pressed his lips together in a thin line. He said, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss being in your life but I especially miss being the person you love. And if you’d let me, I would want to try again and do it right, this time.”

Wooseok looked down at his hands.

Quietly, he murmured, “You never did me wrong, Jinhyuk.” 

Jinhyuk frowned. He sighed.

“But I could have done better,” he said. “I could have decided that I didn’t want to take the job offer in Japan and stayed with you. I could have taken a different choice that made sure I wouldn’t have to be without you; whichever choice that wouldn’t be the choice that made us break up.”

Wooseok shook his head.

“You don’t regret it,” he said. “Japan, I mean. It was good for you. It was good for your career and it isn’t something that you regret. It’s something you _shouldn’t_ regret.”

“It was good for my career but… having to break up with my boyfriend of four years and moving an ocean away?” Jinhyuk pressed his lips into a thin line. “I had to somehow learn how to live without you. I didn’t do a very good job of it, though. Look at me now.”

“Don’t say that,” Wooseok murmured. His heart clenched. _Jinhyuk missed him?_ “You shouldn’t say that.”

Jinhyuk flashed him a sad smile, “You don’t want to hear it?”

_“It’s not that—!”_

“No, I get it,” Jinhyuk shook his head. “It’s weird for me to come out of nowhere and spill my heart to you like this. You had a reason for avoiding me and I can’t expect you to _want_ to hear me drone on about everything I still feel for you. I shouldn’t be like this, I should consider your feelings, too.”

“No, Jinhyuk,” Wooseok frowned. “Listen to me.”

Jinhyuk blinked at him. He looked a little worried. He glanced down at his hands, shifting the way they were locked together nervously. “… Are you going to break my heart?”

“No,” Wooseok replied. 

“No?”

“No. I’m not going to break your heart, Jinhyuk,” he said. He furrowed his eyebrows, “So, will you let me talk for a bit without interrupting me?”

Jinhyuk quickly nodded his head.

“Of course.”

Wooseok took a breath.

“Okay,” he paused. He exhaled his breath, shakily, “Okay, this is going to be a mess but please, bear with me for a bit. I just need to get everything off my chest.” 

Jinhyuk waited patiently for him to speak.

Wooseok ran his fingers through his hair, inhaling sharply. He said, “We dated when we were still kids; young and naïve. We were so young, and we didn’t know how to deal with the things that life threw at us. When we broke up, it was… at the time, it was the right thing to do. You know that, right?”

He glanced at Jinhyuk, his lips pressed into a thin smile. “There are so many things we haven’t had the chance to talk about because I kept avoiding you. Jinhyuk, I didn’t want you to go because I didn’t want to have a long-distance relationship, even though I knew you really wanted the job. We were together all our lives—we knew one another since we barely knew how to walk—it all felt so sudden… I couldn’t imagine you being an ocean away from me. But you left and that was the _right_ thing to do, Jinhyuk. I might have been childish about it following our breakup, but I don’t want to ever hear you say that you regretted making the decision that was best for you.”

Wooseok chewed on his lower lip. His eyes met with Jinhyuk’s for a moment, sincere. Jinhyuk stared back at him, searching for something. It gently urged Wooseok to keep talking.

He lowered his eyes, “The fault is on both of us and I don’t want you to blame yourself for all of it. It was a mutual decision to break up. And I had a really hard time getting over you, everyone told me that I was just channelling that into pretending to hate you because it was easier than admitting that I couldn’t get over you.” 

Wooseok continued, “If I’m honest with you, I really thought I got over you. Just last year, I thought I could finally move on from you but Sooil told me that if I was still being childish about not wanting to see you, then I’m not ready to put our relationship in the past. I really thought about that for a really long time, you know.”

“I didn’t think I’d hear something like this from you when I saw you again, you know?” Wooseok laughed quietly, shaking his head. He glanced at Jinhyuk, looking a little hopeful, “I thought when we said we were over, there wouldn’t be any more chances in the future for us because I didn’t think you would come back. And… here you are, sitting in front of me, telling me that you want to try again…”

Jinhyuk nodded his head, timidly.

Wooseok hid a smile. His heart skipped a beat. There was a rush of warmth over his body. He looked down.

_This wasn’t the kind of reunion he was hoping for when he came here, tonight. But it wasn’t a bad one._

Jinhyuk shifted in his seat. He pursed his lips and studied Wooseok’s expression, thinking silently to himself. He stared at the way Wooseok’s lips curved into a small, subtle smile, barely visible but just enough to reflect in his eyes—the smile that was so uniquely _Wooseok._

Wooseok looked up at him, catching the other man’s eyes. Jinhyuk quickly looked away, surprised to have been caught staring. Wooseok blinked.

“What is it?” Wooseok asked, “You look like you want to say something.”

Jinhyuk scratched the back of his neck before dropping his hands back into his lap. He shrugged.

“I didn’t date anyone after you,” Jinhyuk murmured. He looked down at his hands, spreading out his fingers to distract himself from looking up at Wooseok. “Loving you was good, Wooseok. Loving someone you grew up with was _so_ good. And I didn’t think I could ever feel like that with anyone else, so I never tried.”

Wooseok looked at him, quietly.

“Why are you telling me that?” he asked. _A small part of him was glad to hear it._ A part of him was selfish enough to grasp onto Jinhyuk’s words and hold them close.

Jinhyuk shrugged his shoulders. He smiled, soft.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m just saying some things that I didn’t think I would ever admit. Not out loud, at least.”

There was a short, comfortable silence that settled between them. Wooseok broke it.

“You know what I didn’t think I would ever admit?” Wooseok asked. Jinhyuk looked up at him, silently watching him with curious eyes. He hummed his acknowledgement. Wooseok took a deep breath, “That maybe there was a part of me that wanted you to talk to me, tonight.”

Jinhyuk’s expression immediately brightened.

* * *

Jinhyuk walked Wooseok to the entrance of the venue when it got late, and they had earned too much attention from their friends. Yein and Minsoo both stared at Wooseok with interest, eyeing him suspiciously as they walked by. Hwanhee continuously walked near their table, obviously trying to eavesdrop on their conversation.

At some point, it started feeling like the past, when they were just realizing their feelings for one another and their friends were a little too interested in their love story. The familiarity of the constant stream of attention from their friends came to Wooseok as a rush that enveloped him entirely. It felt like exhaling a breath that was held for too long. Wooseok supposed it was finally saying the words he held back for so long.

Jinhyuk wordlessly decided to walk Wooseok to his car. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he looked at Wooseok, quietly. Wooseok turned to look back at him as they walked.

“So,” he started. Jinhyuk smiled.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning,” Jinhyuk said, his smile immediately growing cheeky. He winked. 

Almost immediately, Wooseok’s heart fluttered in his chest. Wooseok flushed, embarrassed from the sudden rush of heat that washed over him. If Jinhyuk noticed, he didn’t say anything. 

Jinhyuk tilted his head, looking at the smaller man, curiously. “Do you still live in the same place?”

“I moved,” Wooseok said, quickly. He looked down at the phone he held tightly in his hands. Nervously, he swallowed, “I can text you my new address.” He hesitated, “… Is your number still the same?”

Jinhyuk shook his head. 

“I changed it,” he replied. “I couldn’t keep it when I left the country. You didn’t change your number, right?”

Wooseok nodded his head. “No, it’s still the same number.” He held out his hand, “Here, give me your phone. I’ll put it in for you.”

Jinhyuk chuckled, his lips tugging up into a little smile as he shook his head. His eyes glittered playfully, “It’s okay, you don’t have to. I’ll just shoot you a text.”

Wooseok blinked.

“What?”

Just as he spoke, his phone buzzed in his hands.

Wooseok looked down at his phone, surprised to see a text from an unknown number. Jinhyuk turned his phone to show him his screen, showing the beginning of a conversation with Wooseok. He grinned.

“What made you think I don’t remember your number, Wooseok?”

Wooseok flushed—he wondered if he could blame the weather for it. He ignored him and tapped on the notification to reply to the text message.

 _‘You suck.’_ He sent the message.

Jinhyuk laughed when his phone buzzed. 

He glanced back up to smile at Wooseok, “I suck? Aw, you don’t actually think that.”

Wooseok shot him a playful glare. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do,” Jinhyuk sniffed, feigning offence at Wooseok’s words. He dramatically pretended to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, pouting his lips into an adorable frown. Wooseok hid a smile. “You’d never go on a date with someone who sucks. You have high standards.”

“Then, why did I ever date you?” he teased. Jinhyuk’s eyes glimmered.

“I recall _someone_ telling me that I was his ideal type,” he replied. He glanced at Wooseok, cheeky.

Wooseok scoffed, a disbelieving laugh. “When did I _ever_ say something like that?”

Jinhyuk made a face, “I didn’t say it was you.” Wooseok elbowed him, sharply. Jinhyuk laughed, “You said it! You told me that once! I’d never forget something like that!”

Wooseok scrunched up his nose, “Don’t make me rethink this whole coffee date thing.”

Jinhyuk gasped, “I’m not _lying_ to you!”

Wooseok hid a smile. He looked away, his hands clasped behind his back.

“I know,” he said. He looked down at the pavement as he walked. Quietly, he added, “I remember saying something like that to you. You had the stupidest grin on your face when I said it. You liked it so much. Of course, you wouldn’t forget it.”

Jinhyuk jabbed him in the side, softly. He had a small smile on his lips.

“You remember?”

Wooseok nodded his head. Jinhyuk shoved his hands into his pockets when they reached Wooseok’s car. He leaned back on the balls of his feet, teetering as if resisting the urge to say something. Wooseok turned to look at him.

“If you want to say something, say it.”

Jinhyuk couldn’t hide his smile. He looked down, “You’re going to yell at me.”

Wooseok rolled his eyes. “I won’t.”

“Promise?” he asked. Wooseok snorted. Jinhyuk raised an eyebrow at him and eagerly held out his pinky to him. “ _Pinky_ promise?”

“Jinhyuk, we’re twenty-six.”

Jinhyuk’s grin widened, “And what does that have to do with pinky promises?”

Wooseok rolled his eyes. He linked his pinky finger with Jinhyuk’s.

“There,” he replied. “I promise I won’t yell at you.”

Jinhyuk grinned.

“I was just going to ask if you still think I’m your ideal type is all,” he said. Wooseok shot him a glare.

“I didn’t promise not to hit you,” he threatened.

At that, Jinhyuk laughed, a loud sound that seemed to echo. Wooseok couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on his face. He shook his head, rolling his eyes fondly.

Jinhyuk placed both of his hands onto Wooseok’s shoulders and reached behind him to open the door of his car.

“You shouldn’t be hitting anyone,” he said. “You should be heading home for the night to get some beauty rest.”

Wooseok snorted. Despite his reaction, he allowed Jinhyuk to guide him into his car.

As soon as the door shut, he rolled down the window to look out at Jinhyuk.

A small part of him didn’t want the conversation to end.

“I don’t want to go, yet, but I should really get going,” Wooseok said, his elbow rested over the window’s slat. He looked up at the taller man. Jinhyuk’s lips curved into a small smile as he looked down at Wooseok, his arm carefully rested on the roof of Wooseok’s car.

“Are you afraid you’ll miss me?” he asked.

Wooseok frowned at him.

“I’m just kidding, don’t make that face,” Jinhyuk said. “We’ve both had enough of missing each other.”

Wooseok’s gaze softened. He looked down at his hands.

“Will you please stop making me feel all weirdly emotional about it?” he muttered. He pouted, “We’re on speaking terms, now. It’s not like I have to keep missing you.”

Jinhyuk chuckled. He nodded his head.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll stop with the nostalgic stuff.”

Their eyes met, again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Wooseok,” Jinhyuk whispered. He leaned down with his arm still hooked over the roof of Wooseok’s car. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Wooseok’s head, barely there.

He softly added, “Drive safe. Goodnight. Sleep well.”

Wooseok covered his mouth with his hand, shy. He could feel his cheeks burning.

He nodded and whispered, softly, “You too.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/yuseokki) ♡  
> this was honestly supposed to be something short and maybe less than 2k but: Ah.  
> anyway, happy jinhyuk day, friends! ♡


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